...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize