i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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