Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
