I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
