its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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