Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
