Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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