i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
