She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize