I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
