I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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