1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
