went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
