sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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