That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone came in the potted fern
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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