she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
