How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
