Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
