We named our party play list daddy issues
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
