Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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