I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
