Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
