I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
