I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
