i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
