Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't put those talents on a resume
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
