Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
