hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
