Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
