I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
