someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
