honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
