Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
