Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
