i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
