i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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