my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I would ride that face into the sunset
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
