theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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