I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
