i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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