he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
