my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What a dumb baby whore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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