I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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