I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This is not my ceiling
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
