I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
