I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
