Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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