I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
