Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
