My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
