hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
