i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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