I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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