I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize