I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
