when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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