The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
