its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
