She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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