hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
