You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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