Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
