I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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